SPECIAL MASTER – A Parody of I Feel Pretty | Lyrics by John Emory

The lyrics to this parody were provided by John Emory. Things have gotten so ridiculous and desperation so obvious that it’s hard to pass on another opportunity to make fun of a clown. Clowns don’t usually mind that. After all, attention is attention. Executive Producers for Parody Project Don Caron and Jerry Pender

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LYRICS
John Emory

I am special
Oh, so special
I have privilege that most will deny
On Truth Social
I’ll show everyone how I can lie

It’s seditious
‘gainst my wishes
Forget national security
Oh, my Precious!
Give my documents back to me

See the famous man in that portrait there
How rich d’ya think he must be
Such an orange face
Such head a hair
Such a creepy smile
Such a special me!

There’s excitement
And indictment
Legal plans that consist of delays
‘Cause I’m loved
By a pretty and wonderful base!

I’ll outlast a
Special master
A Top Secret disaster concealed
If I have to
Find a judge to hear my appeals

ABOUT THE SOURCE MUSIC
I Feel Pretty from the Musical West Side Story
Bernstein/Sondheim

The New York Times explained that “Mr. Sondheim . . .has said he was never particularly fond of his lyrics in ‘West Side Story,’ especially ‘I Feel Pretty'”, later expressing that “The idea of the song is so simple”.

The original stage version of the lyrics was changed in the making of the 1961 movie version of West Side Story due to a change in the scene’s occurrence. Making ‘I feel pretty and witty and bright/And I pity/Any girl who isn’t me tonight’ into ‘I feel pretty, and witty and gay/And I pity/Any girl who isn’t me today’. In the movie this night scene was changed to the daytime, so the rhyming words “bright” and “tonight” were changed to “gay” and “today”.The lyrics were changed back to their original form for the 2021 film version.

The song was cut from the 2019 Broadway revival in order to streamline the plot and condense it to a 90-minute show without intermission..

Steven Spielberg and Sondheim initially wanted to cut the song from the 2021 film, with the former questioning whether the upbeat song would still work without an intermission between it and the rumble. It was ultimately due to the intervention of Tony Kushner that the song remained, as Spielberg later explained, “Tony [Kushner] explained to me, and then I explained to Stephen… that this is the first time in our story that the entire audience is ahead of Maria’s story. And the audience will feel very protective of her because we know she’s about to find out.”

In the musical and 2021 film version, Maria is not yet aware that her love, Tony, has just killed her brother Bernardo, while in the 1961 film version, the song occurs before Bernardo’s death. In the bridal shop where she works (in the 1961 film; Gimbels in the 2021 film), Maria sings about being happy and feeling beautiful because she is “loved by a pretty wonderful boy”, while her coworkers tease her about her silly behavior.

Robert Cummings of AllMusic comments that the song “features one of Bernstein’s more memorable melodies: its first four notes, deliciously rhythmic in their rising contour, repeat, then are reduced to three, then to two. Bernstein’s instrumentation colors the music with a Latin character…and so does the girls’ chorus that enters midway through. Stephen Sondheim’s lyrics deftly capture Maria’s bliss and newfound sense of confidence”.

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