THE TWELVE STAINS OF TRUMP’S MESS

A parody of The Twelve Days of Christmas detailing the Twelve Stains of Trump’s Mess as it played out in his refusal to recognize that he lost the election.
Written and Performed by Don Caron
Executive Producers Sally Headley and Jerry Pender

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LYRICS for The Twelve Stains of Trump’s Mess
Don Caron

In the first stain of Trump’s mess
after election loss,
he called for mail-in ballots to be tossed.

In the second stain of Trump’s mess
he said he won’t concede,
filing several lawsuitswhile his willing cultish party all agreed.

In the third stain of Trump’s mess
Joe Biden won, Trump said
…because of all the rigging
still with zero frigging evidence provided,
just debris of anecdotes inside his head.

In the fourth stain of Trump’s mess
conspiracy he churned.
Dominion switched the votes
from Trump over to Biden
Ballots they’d been hidin’.
He demands the whole thing to be overturned.

In the fifth stain of Trump’s mess
he wanted votes thrown out
– Toss them in the trash
then name him the winner
Legislate defectors
pick some new electors
And they slurp it up like water in a drought.

In the sixth stain of Trump’s mess
his legal team decides
to hold a quick press conference
– with no evidence
proclaiming widespread fraud
rehashing crazy theories
lawsuits get dismissed
And the courts imply it’s time that they desist.

In the seventh stain of Trumps mess
Sidney Powell’s fired
Too crazy for the party
that’s some serious crazy
– kicked out of the nut house
too whacked out for whack jobs
but okay with Lou Dobbs
how she convolutes
and she goes ahead and files more lawsuits

In the eighth stain of Trump’s mess
he tries a different tack.
Calls on the FBI
and then the DOJ
wondering why they don’t
– have something more to say
“Tremendous cheating here”
Kemp turns him down
Raffensberger too
And his cult still hangs on every word as true.

In the ninth stain of Trump’s mess
safe harbor comes and goes.
Supreme Court of Nevada
rules on the data
appeal to overturn
entire State’s election
– lacking “factual findings”
Now it’s 40 cases
that have been dismissed
by courts of law wherein
the message simply isn’t able tor sink in.

In the tenth stain of Trump’s mess
Texas made a move
suing Pennsylvania
18 states joined in
to claim it was unjust
that Pennsylvania made their
voting more robust
– Oh, what an awful thing.
100 reps from Congress
threw in their support
to overturn the vote
and they sent their claim
straight to the Highest Court

in the eleventh stain of Trump’s mess
Trump tweets he’ll intervene
in the Texas suit
Meanwhile down in Arizona
another is dismissed
for citing “baseless claims”
the judges getting pissed
– and still no evidence
West Virginia is the final state to
certify results
So it’s over but don’t try to tell his cult

In the twelfth stain of Trump’s mess
he throws a hissy fit
Supreme Court shuts him down
throws out the Texas case
doesn’t even hear it
slaps him in the face
Cult wants to secede
the party to destroy
I say just have at it.
– that we would enjoy then
Then, right on schedule the
electors voted
to much crying and lament
and he still thinks he will be the president.

HISTORY OF THE ORIGINAL SONG

“The Twelve Days of Christmas” is an English Christmas carol that describes in the manner of a cumulative song a series of increasingly numerous gifts given on each of the twelve days of Christmas (the twelve days that make up the Christmas season, starting with Christmas Day and continuing to the Feast of the Epiphany).

The song, published in England in 1780 without music as a chant or rhyme, is thought to be French in origin. The standard tune now associated with it is derived from a 1909 arrangement of a traditional folk melody by English composer Frederic Austin, who introduced the familiar prolongation of the verse “five gold rings” (now often “five golden rings”).

The earliest known version of the lyrics was published in London under the title “The Twelve Days of Christmas sung at King Pepin’s Ball”, as part of a 1780 children’s book, Mirth without Mischief.[ Subsequent versions have shown considerable variation:

In the earliest versions, the word “on” is not present at the beginning of each verse—for example, the first verse begins simply “The first day of Christmas”. On was added in Austin’s 1909 version, and became very popular thereafter.
In the early versions “my true love sent” me the gifts. However, a 20th-century variant has “my true love gave to me”; this wording has become particularly common in North America.

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