Impeachment Defense – Parody or Modern Major General (The Modern Victimologist)

A parody of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General by Gilbert and Sullivan from The Pirates of Penzance.
Written by Marcus Bales and Performed by Don Caron
Executive Producers Sally Headley and Jerry Pender

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Executive Producers Sally Headley and Jerry Pender
Parody of I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General (Gilbert & Sullivan)
Lyrics my Marcus Bales | Performed by Don Caron

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Lyrics
Written by Marcus Bales

The Modern Victimologist’s Song

The Victim:
I am the very model of a gas-lit victimology
And when I’m wrong the first thing I demand is an apology.
I use the tricks that any smart abuser anywhere evades
When my supporters riot, killing cops and breaching barricades.
The people who accuse me must be lying or hysterical.
All evidence against me I dismiss as just chimerical.
My first resort is claiming I’m the victim of witch-huntery —
And blithely wave away substantive facts with sheer effrontery.

Base Chorus:
Our first resort is claiming we’re the victim of witch-huntery —
And blithely wave away substantive facts with sheer effrontery.

The Victim:
Of course, I’m all in favor of a crime’s accountability,
But prosecuting me is mere political hostility.
Whatever fervid fantasies you bring are attributional —
Inciting violent mobs cannot be held unconstitutional.

Base Chorus:
Whatever fervid fantasies you bring are attributional —
Inciting violent mobs cannot be held unconstitutional.

The Victim:
It’s me who is the victim here of foes who are implacable,
Who hope that I am finally politically attackable.
I’ve been oppressed by all these facts and evidence that dinned against
My simple claim that I am not more sinning than I’m sinned against.
You say a hundred forty cops were treated with brutality
But what of all my people who were acting with normality
To riot as I cheered them on, denying my hypocrisy,
Because they feared election fraud was threatening democracy.

Base Chorus:
We riot as he cheers us on, denying his hypocrisy,
Because we fear election fraud is threatening democracy.

The Victim:
The tenor of my base has always been a bit Soprano-ish
And Mike Pompeo’s always been a little bit volcano-ish
But only in reaction to the savage and subliminal
Attacks on me and us that claim we’re doing something criminal.

Base Chorus:
But only in reaction to the savage and subliminal
Attacks on him and us that claim we’re doing something criminal.

The Victim:
In short, when I can claim abuse of you is still condonable
Because our norms approve assault if it’s testosteronable;
When I can blame the victim for her whining over her sweat rate
By telling her it’s her own fault for any crimes I perpetrate;
And when I use bad words I say that you’re objecting speciously
It’s just a joke! Why can’t you see I used the terms facetiously?
You cannot blame me now or later – I have got immunity
Because when caught at my abuse I plead for precious unity.

Base Chorus:
You cannot blame us now or later – we have got immunity
Because when caught at our abuse we plead for precious unity.

The Victim:
It’s very clear: I’m white and male, entitled to my attitude,
And telling me you’re threatened reads to me like mere ingratitude.
I then reverse it all, invoking my own victimology,
And when I’m wrong the first thing I demand is your apology.

Base Chorus:
We then reverse it all, invoking our own victimology
And when we’re wrong the first thing we demand is your apology.
Because when we are wrong what we demand is an apology.

ABOUT THE SOURCE MUSIC

“I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General” is a patter song from Gilbert and Sullivan’s 1879 comic opera The Pirates of Penzance. Sung by Major General Stanley at his first entrance, towards the end of Act I, the character introduces himself by presenting his résumé and admitting to a few shortcomings. The song satirizes the idea of the “modern” educated British Army officer of the latter 19th century. It is difficult to perform because of the fast pace and tongue-twisting nature of the lyrics.

The song is replete with historical and cultural references, in which the Major-General describes his impressive and well-rounded education in non-military matters,. The stage directions in the libretto state that at the end of each verse the Major-General is “bothered for a rhyme”. Interpolated business occurs here, and in each case he finds a rhyme and finishes the verse with a flourish.

This parody is performed at about 1/2 the tempo of the original song.

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