Ode to the World’s Worst Politician

A parody of the song, If You Were a Sailboat written by Mike Batt, originally performed by Katie Melua
Parody performed by Don Caron
Executive Producers Don Caron and Jerry Pender

If you like this parody of “If You Were a Sailboat,” a flight of fancy about what you would do to your least favorite politician if he or she was any one of a variety of objects, then sign up for our mailing list below (never shared) and we’ll notify you when we post a new parody:

If you’d like to become a patron of Parody Project
just click the button below:

PARODY LYRICS
by Don Caron

If you were a student I would fail you.
If you were a piece of wood I’d nail you to the floor.
If you were a sailboat I would sink you far off shore.

If you were in jail I would not spring you.
If you were a telephone your ring would be ignored.
If you were in pain I’d bring you lemon for your sore.

If you think this sounds like hate,
let me say what you create
is far more hateful than this song.
We took a chance on trusting you.
You took a stance that’s clearly wrong.

If you were a race car I would roll you.
If you were a toll bridge I would troll you all day long.
If you were a half note I would throw away the song.

If you were a meal I’d choose starvation.
If you were heaven I’d choose damnation for myself.
If you were a book I’d never take you from the shelf.

If you think this sounds like hate,
let me say what you create
is far more hateful than this song.
We took a chance on trusting you.
You took a stance that’s deadly wrong.

If you were water I would flush you.
If you were a tin can I would crush you just for fun.
if you were an ice cube I would slush you in the sun.

If you were a bug I think i’d squish you.
If you were a wishing well I’d wish you to be poor.
But since you’re you I hope to hear of you no more.
But since you’re you I hope to hear of you no more.

ABOUT THE ORIGINAL SONG

“If You Were a Sailboat” was written and produced by Mike Batt, and made popular by Katie Melua’s performance. It was Melua’s ninth single and the first from her third album, Pictures (2007). Below are Katie’s comments about the song,

“What I liked about the song is the fact that a lot of love songs tend to deal with the fluffy nice side of love, but this one deals with how you get very selfish when you fall in love with someone, and you don’t want to share them with the world, you just want them all about yourself. What’s genius about Mike’s lyrics is that instead of saying that directly he uses these crazy strange metaphors, “if you were a piece of wood I’d nail you to the floor” and quite bizarre stuff and I like that. Musically it sounds like a really nice smooth love song, but the message is pretty intense and quite dark.”

This is not the first time the song has been parodied. Mark Radcliffe of BBC Radio 2 was amused by the lyric ‘If you were a piece of wood, I’d nail you to the floor’, and asked his listeners to send in equally strange lyrics and compose a parody song for her to sing, not expecting her to actually do so.

However, as she also did on another show with “Nine Million Bicycles”, Melua contacted the show and agreed to play the song. The lyrics included ‘If you were some tiling, I would grout you.’ and ‘If you were ten pints of beer, I would drink you down my dear’. (I hope to hear from her soon).

Ketevan “Katie” Melua is a Georgian/British singer and songwriter. She moved to the United Kingdom at the age of eight – first to Belfast, and then to London in 1999. Melua was signed to the small Dramatico record label, under the management of composer Mike Batt, and made her musical debut in 2003. In 2006, she became the United Kingdom’s best-selling female artist and Europe’s highest selling European female artist.

In November 2003, at the age of 19, Melua released her first album, Call Off the Search, which reached the top of the United Kingdom album charts and sold 1.8 million copies in its first five months of release. Her second album, Piece by Piece, was released in September 2005 and to date has gone platinum (one million units sold) four times.

AND WE HAVE SOME FUN STUFF IN THE PARODY PROJECT STORE
</a