CALLOUS MAN – Parody of Piano Man (Billy Joel) | Caron & Cohen

posted in: Trump Parodies | 1

This contribution to the Parody Project library was created from lyrics sent in by David Cohen. It’s about the dumpster fire ex-president and if you’re tired of hearing about him, well, so are we. But new-flash, he’s running for president for the third time. You probably already knew that. The song this is based on is Piano Man by Billy Joel. More about that below. Executive Producers Don Caron & Jerry Pender

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by David Cohen

It’s nine o’clock at his hideaway
The burgers and fries are flown in
There’s a con man pacing nervously
Watching Fox and re-tweeting their spin

He says, “Sean can you air some chicanery?”
“I’m not really sure of the prose.”
“Then I’ll send out some tweets, to help gin up the heat,”
“Before I am forced to depose.”

La, la-la, did-e-da
La-la did-e-da-da dumb

He strings them along, he’s a callous man
Strings them along for spite
‘Cause, they’re all in the mood for debauchery
And he gets them amped up to fight

His lawyers by far are caught in a bind
They give him advice for a fee
And they’re quick with a poke, or to send up some smoke
For paychecks that they’ll never see

He says, “Hey, I believe they’ll be grilling me”
As he pleads for more help from his base
“Well I’m sure that I could be a Russian Czar”
“If the Feds would get out of my face”

Oh, la, la-la, did-e-da
La-la did-e-da da dumb

Now he thinks he’s a bona-fide populist
Who seems to have split from his wife
And he’s hiding like crazy, some loans that are hazy
We hope that he gets ten to life

And his minions are practicing dirty tricks
As most if not all have been cloned
Yes, they’re sharing concerns for their “Holiness”
And are scared to just stand on their own

Strings them along, he’s a callous man
Strings them along for spite
‘Cause, they’re all in the mood for debauchery
And he gets them amped up to fight

It’s a pretty sparse crowd for a Saturday
As he spews out more hatred that’s vile
‘Cause he knows those who came all want someone to blame
So he picks a new group to defile

And his words, they all stick like a barnacle
As his pulpit is used to spread fear
Yet they stand by this fraud with a view that is flawed
And say, “Man, we’re so glad you are here.”

Oh, la, la-la, did-e-da
La-la did-e-da da dumb

Strings them along, he’s a callous man
Strings them along for spite
‘Cause, they’re all in the mood for debauchery
And he gets them amped up to fight


“Piano Man” is a song written and performed by American singer-songwriter Billy Joel. As his first single in North America, it was included on Joel’s 1973 album of the same name and later released as a single on November 2, 1973. The song is sung from Joel’s point of view as a piano player at a bar, reminiscing about his experiences there and the people he encountered. “Piano Man” is based on Joel’s real-life experiences as a lounge musician in Los Angeles from 1972 to 1973, which he had decided to pursue in an effort to escape his contracted New York City-based record company at the time, Family Productions, following the poor commercial performance of the album Cold Spring Harbor. Joel describes various characters, including a bartender named John and a “real estate novelist” named Paul, all based on real-life individuals.

Joel’s first major hit and his signature song, “Piano Man” peaked at #25 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart in April 1974. Following Joel’s breakthrough as a popular musician with the release of The Stranger, it became one of his most well-known songs. It is now a highlight of Joel’s live shows, where he usually encourages the audience to sing the chorus. In 2015, the Library of Congress selected “Piano Man” for preservation in the National Recording Registry for its “cultural, historic, or artistic significance”.

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  1. Kath Lakr

    Kudos to David Cohen for his inspired lyrics. And to you, Don, for your inspired performance. This has long been one of my favorites, and you two have made it even more so.