You might have guessed. It’s a parody of Get Me to the Church on Time from My Fair Lady (by Lerner and Loewe). Lyrics were sent to me by John Emory of The Freedom Toast. Yes, we realize this all happened last August but you need a reminder about how weird things have gotten.
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Lyrics to Get Me to the Jail as sung by Donald Trump with a backup trio.
John Emory
TRUMP: I had to go to Fulton County
The DA accused me of a crime
Did it upset me?
They’re all out to get me!
To get me to the jail on time
I was arrested in the evening
I’d not committed any crime
Yes, it’s surprising
My polls keep on rising
So get me to the jail on time
If I am golfing then you shout “Fore!”
If I’m campaigning sneak me out the door
Oh, I was arrested in the evening
The DA is treating me like slime
But isn’t it funny
I raised so much money
By getting to the jail
Just getting to the jail
By getting to that Fulton County jail on time
CHOIR: Why can’t he finally start winning?
Most people think he is sublime
TRUMP: I was in a tight spot
So I posed for a mug shot
It happened at the jail that time
CHOIR: His plan was to get there in the evening
Looking like he just ate a lime
Got a new lawyer
Found him in the foyer
He’ll get him to the jail on time!
If he is posting
Then grab his phone.
It’s time for him to reap what he has sown.
For he was arrested in the evening
The DA accused him of a crime
TRUMP: When they try to smear
meit’ll only endear me
to every guy and gal
on my campaign trail
CHOIR: And that’s who’ll be payin’ for his bail every time
ABOUT THE SOURCE MUSIC
Lerner & Leowe
My Fair Lady is a musical with a book and lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner and music by Frederick Loewe. The story, based on the 1938 film adaptation of George Bernard Shaw’s 1913 play Pygmalion, concerns Eliza Doolittle, a Cockney flower girl who takes speech lessons from professor Henry Higgins, a phonetician, so that she may pass as a lady. Despite his cynical nature and difficulty understanding women, Higgins grows attached to her.
The musical’s 1956 Broadway production was a notable critical and popular success, winning six Tony Awards, including Best Musical. It set a record for the longest run of any musical on Broadway up to that time and was followed by a hit London production. Rex Harrison and Julie Andrews starred in both productions. Many revivals have followed, and the 1964 film version won the Academy Award for Best Picture.
In the mid-1930s, film producer Gabriel Pascal acquired the rights to produce film versions of several of George Bernard Shaw’s plays, Pygmalion among them. However, Shaw, refused permission for Pygmalion to be adapted into a musical. After Shaw died in 1950, Pascal asked lyricist Alan Jay Lerner to write the musical adaptation. Lerner agreed, and he and his partner Frederick Loewe began work. But they quickly realized that the play violated several key rules for constructing a musical: the main story was not a love story, there was no subplot or secondary love story, and there was no place for an ensemble.
So he and Loewe abandoned the project for two years.
During this time, Lerner & Leowe separated and Gabriel Pascal died. Lerner read Pascal’s obituary and found himself thinking about Pygmalion again. When he and Loewe reunited, all of the insurmountable obstacles that had stood in their way two years earlier disappeared when the team realized that the play needed few changes.
They then excitedly began writing the show. However, Chase Manhattan Bank was in charge of Pascal’s estate, and the musical rights to Pygmalion were sought both by Lerner and Loewe and by Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer. Loewe said, “We will write the show without the rights, and when the time comes for them to decide who is to get them, we will be so far ahead of everyone else that they will be forced to give them to us.” For five months Lerner and Loewe wrote, hired technical designers, and made casting decisions. The bank, in the end, granted them the musical rights.
Noël Coward was the first to be offered the role of Henry Higgins, but he turned it down, suggesting the producers cast Rex Harrison instead. After much deliberation, Harrison agreed to accept the part. Mary Martin was an early choice for the role of Eliza Doolittle, but declined the role. Young actress Julie Andrews was “discovered” and cast as Eliza after the show’s creative team went to see her Broadway debut in The Boy Friend.
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