O HOLY COW – Parody of O Holy Night – Lyrics by Marcus Bales

posted in: Christmas Songs, Social Commentary | 0

Marcus Bales sent in the lyrics for this parody. There are two verses in the video and a third verse provided (for those who find themselves craving more) in the description below. If you want a condensed version of the content, here’s a quote: “Underwear and socks. Oh hear the kids complaining!”
Executive Producers Don Caron & Jerry Pender

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LYRICS for O Holy Cow

O holy cow! The stores will soon be closing
It is the last night before it’s Christmas Day.
Long on the couch I dreamed as I lay dozing
That I had shopped, and wrapped the gifts all away.
A thrill of fear at only hours remaining
I just have time to hit the Dollar Store.

Underwear and socks!
Oh, hear the kids complaining!
All spite and whine.
Adulthood looms. They’re kids no more.
All spite and whine,
All spite and whine.

Gather debris, the bows and paper scattered,
The plastic bags bulging, just barely tied;
So the debris of hopes and dreams are shattered,
The trauma as the children sobbed and cried.
This day of days thus ruined, egos battered,
Each opened gift reveals the clothes inside.

Underwear and socks!
Oh, hear the kids complaining!
All spite and whine.
Adulthood looms. Their childhood died.
All spite and whine,
All spite and whine.

Truly we’re taught to disappoint each other
By giving presents that nobody wants
No one’s content — not cousins, sisters, brothers
To say no word about the uncles and the aunts.
In therapy we’ll always blame our mothers
Our nursed resentments echoed in our taunts:

Underwear and socks!
Oh, hear the kids complaining!
All spite and whine.
Adulthood looms. Adulthood daunts.
All spite and whine,
All spite and whine.

“O Holy Night” (original title: Cantique de Noël) is a well-known Christmas carol. Originally based on a French-language poem by poet Placide Cappeau, written in 1843, with the first line “Minuit, Chrétien, c’est l’heure solennelle” (Midnight, Christian, is the solemn hour) that composer Adolphe Adam set to music in 1847. The English version (with small changes to the initial melody) is by John Sullivan Dwight. The carol reflects on the birth of Jesus as humanity’s redemption.

In Roquemaure in France at the end of 1843, the church organ had recently been renovated. To celebrate the event, the parish priest persuaded poet Placide Cappeau, a native of the town, to write a Christmas poem. Soon afterwards, in that same year, Adolphe Adam composed the music. The song was premiered in Roquemaure in 1847 by the opera singer Emily Laurey.

Transcendentalist, music critic, minister, and editor of Dwight’s Journal of Music, John Dwight, adapted the song into English in 1855. This version became popular in the United States, especially in the North, where the third verse resonated with abolitionists, including Dwight himself.

The wide vocal range of the song makes it one of the more difficult Christmas songs to execute properly, especially for untrained amateurs. In French-language churches, it is commonly used at the beginning of the Midnight Mass.

The song has been recorded by numerous well-known popular-music, classical-music, and religious-music singers. Several renditions by popular artists have appeared on record charts.