ARREST THIS SCARY GENTLEMAN | A Tale of a Postmaster General

A parody about the Postmaster General

The idea for this parody as well as the first verse was provided by Youtube user COMALite J – who posted it in the comments section of another Parody Project parody called “God Made Some Scary Gentlemen. Here’s the post.

♪♫ A-|-rest this sca-ry | gen-tle-man, let | noth-ing now de-|-lay, ♫♪
♫♪ Re-|-mem-ber how our | First-Class Mail would | be there by next | day? ♪♫
♪♫ But | now mail-box-es, | sort ma-chines, have | van-ished, gone a-|-way! ♫♪
♫♪ O in-|-dict-ments for | crimes_ of De-|-Joy, ♪♫
♪♫ Crimes of De-|-Joy. ♫♪
♫♪ O in-|-dict–ments for crimes_ of De-|-Joy! ♪♫

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Written by Don Caron with COMALite J | Performed by Don Caron | Executive Producers Sally Headley and Jack Heighway

LYRICS for ARREST THIS SCARY GENTLEMAN | A Tale of a Postmaster General

Arrest this scary gentleman!
Do it without delay!
Remember how our First Class Mail
used to arrive next day?
But mailboxes and sort-machines
have vanished, gone away.
Oh, indictments for the crimes of DeJoy
Crimes of De Joy
Oh, indictments for the crimes of DeJoy.

The president has penchant
for selecting appointees
that will dismantle the department
that they oversee.
The Post Office has not been
an exception from his spree
‘cause he sees the country as another toy
he can enjoy.
Never mind the countless lives he will destroy.

Trump decided he believed
that mail-in votes would cause
a loss to him in the election
so out came the clause,
and he appointed Lu DeJoy
as new head of the Mail.
Some of us think that DeJoy should be in jail
without bail
Some of us think that DeJoy should be in jail.

When Katie Porter questioned Lu,
“What do stamps cost these days?”
He said he had no knowledge of
that kind of stuff, per se.
How many mail-in votes to expect
he had not a clue.
Yet he scrapped the sort machines,
an act that he won’t undo
And he threw away collection boxes too.

Trump refused to sign a bill
to bail the PO out.
And vote by mail was at the core
of reasons he did spout.
He brazenly admitted he
would like to see them fail
with the extra load of the election mail;
A death knell
for the post office and USA as well.

Since when do presidents attempt
to undermine the vote?
Appointing people who will grab
the country by the throat?
He’ll lie and cheat his way to winning
his election bid,
with a constant pro quo following his quid
That’s what he did!
We need a way of him we can be rid.

Six key Trump advisors have been
busted for their sins.
Papadopoulos, Gates, Mannafort, Bannon, Michaels Cohen & Flynn
DeJoy if he don’t watch his step,
will soon be joining them
Oh, indictments for crimes of DeJoy
and who employed him
Indictments for the crimes of DeJoy.

The Tune for A Tale of a Postmaster General

A Tale of a Postmaster General is sung to the tune of God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen is an English traditional Christmas carol. It is also known as Tidings of Comfort and Joy, and by variant incipits as Come All You Worthy Gentlemen; God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen; God Rest Ye, Merry Christians; or God Rest You Merry People All.

It is one of the oldest extant carols, dated to the 16th century or earlier. The earliest known printed edition of the carol is in a broadsheet dated to c. 1760. The traditional English melody is in the minor mode; the earliest printed edition of the melody appears to be in a parody, in the 1829 Facetiae of William Hone. It had been traditional and associated with the carol since at least the mid-18th century, when it was recorded by James Nares under the title “The old Christmas Carol”.

The carol is referred to in Charles Dickens’ 1843 A Christmas Carol: “… at the first sound of ‘God bless you, merry gentlemen! May nothing you dismay!’, Scrooge seized the ruler with such energy of action that the singer fled in terror, leaving the keyhole to the fog and even more congenial frost.”

The transitive use of the verb rest in the sense “to keep, cause to continue, to remain” is typical of 16th- to 17th-century language (the phrase rest you merry is recorded in the 1540s). The first line “often is mis-punctuated” as “God rest you, merry gentlemen” because in contemporary language, rest has lost its use “with a predicate adjective following and qualifying the object” (Century Dictionary). This is the case already in the 1775 variant, and is also reflected by Dickens’ replacement of the verb rest by bless in his 1843 quote of the incipit as “God bless you, merry gentlemen”. The adjective merry in Early Modern English had a wider sense of “pleasant; bountiful, prosperous”. Some variants give the pronoun in the first line as ye instead of you, in a pseudo-archaism. In fact, ye would never have been correct, because ye is a subjective pronoun only, never an objective pronoun.

Here’s a version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen performed by Pentatonix

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